Friday, May 27, 2016

Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2016

Funny Fathers Day Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day. —Mike Myers

My father would lift me high / And dance with my mother and me and then / Spin me around til I fell asleep / Then up the stairs he would carry me / And I knew for sure I was loved. —Luther Vandross

Funny Fathers Day 2016
Funny Fathers Day 2016
What makes Will the best father in the world to me is that he’s there, not just there in a way that’s traditional. The emotional support he offers his children is immeasurable. —Jada Pinkett Smith

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” – Clarence Darrow

Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2016

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.” – Robert Orben

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.” – Stewart Francis

When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Atell

“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” – John Kinnear

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.” – Jack Handey

Funny Fathers Day 2016 Quotes

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

Funny Fathers Day 2016
Funny Fathers Day 2016
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’” – Erma Bombeck


You can tell what was the best year of your dad’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld

The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid, but—at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; It’s just full all the time.” —Matt Damon

“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” – Jimmy Fallon

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes 2016

I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart

Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” —Anne Geddes

“To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.” – Ernest Hemingway

"Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear."

Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2016
Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2016


You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. "

Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

Funny Fathers Day 2016 Quotes

Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” – Rita Rudner

My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.

When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.

Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?” – James Breakwell

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

“My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” – Bob Odenkirk

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” – Rodney Dangerfield

The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No 5 perfume.’” – Michael Showalter

There should be a children’s song 'If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'” – Jim Gaffigan

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